🔥 HOT TAKES
Bad Opinions & Worse Predictions
Documenting our collective delusion since 2010
🥛 AGED LIKE MILK
“Eric The Clown is DONE. Stick a fork in him.”
— Everyone, Week 2
Reality: He's now the king. We are the clowns.
MILK STATUS
CHUNKY
“This is How Many More Gregs' year!”
— How Many More Gregs, Draft Night
Reality: Leading the Sacko race. More Gregs was NOT the answer.
MILK STATUS
EXPIRED
“The pasta is finally al dente this season.”
— Cum al dente, Week 1
Reality: Second highest scorer. Mediocre record. Overcooked AGAIN.
MILK STATUS
COTTAGE CHEESE
“I know which Sean is which now.”
— The Commissioner, Year 14
Reality: Nobody knows. Not even the Seans.
MILK STATUS
YOGURT
“Greg will stop texting eventually.”
— stop greg texting, 2016
Reality: It's 2024. Greg hasn't stopped.
MILK STATUS
FOSSILIZED
“2026 is too far away, Buckeye will be good before then.”
— Buckeye Glake 2026, 2023
Reality: 2026 looking optimistic at this point.
MILK STATUS
SOLID
✨ LEAGUE VIBE CHECK
Greg texting about a trade
Response: Don't respond
Eric making clown noises
Response: He's earned it
Identifying which Sean
Response: Impossible
Brad's location
Response: Classified
Asking about Gregs
Response: Too many
Maumee's mom's opinion
Response: Always supportive
Pasta doneness
Response: Never al dente
Full Chubb expectations
Response: Perpetually mid
📜 THE UNWRITTEN RULES
Never accept a trade from Greg
Don't ask which Sean is which
The clown has become the circus
Put-in-Bay is a state of mind
More Gregs is never the answer
Maumee's mom reads the chat
The pasta will never be done right
2026 is always 'next year'
🔍 UNSOLVED MYSTERIES
Where does Brad actually live?
Which Sean is which?
Why do we keep adding Gregs?
How is Eric winning now?
THE ONE TRUTH
“We've learned nothing in 14 years and we'll learn nothing in the next 14.”
- Everyone, constantly
🤡
Got a bad take?
Screenshot it. We'll wait for it to age badly.
(It will. It always does.)