👑 POWER RANKINGS
Week 12 · Roasts included, feelings not spared
THE KING
Eric The Clown
From 0-2 laughingstock to clinched playoff spot. The biggest villain arc since Thanos.
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Eric The Clown
VILLAIN ARC COMPLETEStarted 0-2 and everyone clowned him. Now he's clinched playoffs and WE'RE the clowns. Honk honk, losers.
Status: Unstoppable circus
PIB Panthers
ISLAND ENERGYProwling from Put-in-Bay like a big cat stalking its prey. Except the prey is everyone else's hopes and dreams.
Status: Lurking menacingly
peeter beater
SNEAKY GOODNobody talks about this team and that's exactly how they like it. Violence in silence.
Status: Throwing hands
stop greg texting
EXHAUSTEDNamed their whole team after their one wish in life. Greg still won't stop texting. Neither will the wins.
Status: Phone on silent
Cum al dente
TRAGIC PASTASecond highest scorer in the league. Somehow .500. The pasta isn't al dente, it's CURSED.
Status: Overcooked again
Sean vs. Sean
IDENTITY CRISISWhich Sean is winning? Plot twist: NEITHER. They're both losing to themselves.
Status: Still figuring it out
Full Chubb
MIDThe name promises so much. The results deliver... adequate performance. Very on brand for Cleveland.
Status: Mediocre but trying
Maumee's little boy
MOM'S FAVORITEMama's proud no matter what. And honestly? That unconditional love is carrying this season.
Status: Making mom proud-ish
BrAd DoEsNt LiVe In PuT-In-BaY
SUSPICIOUSThe name is a lie. Brad DEFINITELY lives in Put-in-Bay. We have evidence. We're watching you, Brad.
Status: Address unknown
New Greg
CURSEDThey said 'let's add a new Greg, it'll be fun.' It was not fun. The Greg curse continues.
Status: Permanently new
Buckeye Glake 2026
TANKINGAlready planning for 2026 because 2024 is cooked. 2025 is also probably cooked. See you in two years.
Status: Rebuilding (always)
How Many More Gregs
DOOMEDThe answer was 'too many.' Way too many Gregs. The Sacko calls. The toilet awaits.
Status: Circling the drain
THE SACKO THRONE AWAITS
How Many More Gregs
The answer to "how many more Gregs" was "none." Zero more Gregs was the correct answer.
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Written by someone who definitely isn't biased · Week 12, 2024
Complaints will be read, laughed at, and ignored